On May 5th I wrote the following:
“Once I defend my thesis, I will put it on the Internet. Not for the reason I am proud of it or something. No. The matter is that I just do not care about the results usage.
Because nobody cares of our useless didactic writings of zero output that appear to be largely just the vain yearly time-wasting. That's not complaining on the lack of appreciation towards academic papers. The only lack of appreciation comes from the educational institutions that impose the dull obsolete standards.
Otherwise, I think there is a need (at least for me) to find a way of getting away of all these artless compilations, copies, sophistically laid-out judgments. No one cares of such pieces. And no one should. If we find out a bit of information that will possibly allow us to bring something true and/or beautiful to this world then we should be motivated to go and reach out. To speak out loud and to move this intellectual artifact forward. To share our passion and to find companions. To experiment, to create.”
On June 3rd almost a day before the day of the oral defense of my thesis I addressed this line to my alter-ego:
“If your worldview gets conditioned by the academy, if you accept its reality as the true one and the most worthy – then, perhaps, we are the two opposites. But I was in those shoes, I can understand this attitude. And, frankly, I try do my best to escape bogging down with this mindset on daily basis.”
On June 5th, just after the defense, I put these lines on the Internet:
“The story is over. I am free to not thinking of my BA thesis never ever again, if I would like to. And not to be on the verge of suicide because of the experienced undue pressure. It was tough. Inhumane. Insane. (Not that day, but all the preceding months). But it's luckily over. Leave it with no nostalgia. Nonetheless, I am feeling grateful to those individuals who found strength to support me standing back against the wall.” Let’s see what attitude I will have on the following ‘anniversary.’